Friend and Father
by sapphire-child
Summary: Charlie knew what it felt like to kill a man. Post Fire and Water.


Title: Friend and Father  
Original post date: 2nd March 2006  
Spoilers: up to 2x14  
Summary: Charlie knew what it felt like to kill a man.  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Inspired by a scene manip I wanted to do but couldn't because I lacked clips.

* * *

Charlie knew what it felt like to kill a man. 

He knew what it felt like to point a gun at someone, knew the split second hesitation that came just before your hands steadied themselves. He knew the slight shock that came with the recoil of the gun and the subject of the bullets attention falling…falling…

People say that killing is addictive.

That Heroin is addictive.

That love – is addictive.

It had been raining the day that Charlie shot and killed Ethan Rom.

It was raining again when he shot John Locke.

'What are you doing Charlie? You're not a killer.'

Charlie's hand wavered but then steadied. He couldn't think – not now when he was so close…

He couldn't do it if he thought about it anymore.

'You don't want to do this.'

'Don't I?'

'If you really wanted to shoot me you would have done so already,'

Charlie's next words are unexpected in the context of their conversation and a look of surprise registers on John's face.

'I trusted you. I trusted you more than anyone else here John. And then you betrayed me.'

'Betrayed is a strong word Charlie...'

'How could you take her away from me?' And now he's yelling and he's crying and his voice is choking and John is staring at him blankly. 'How could you think I would ever hurt her?'

'I gave you a chance. I let you choose. I thought you'd changed Charlie,'

'I have!'

'All I had to go on is your word and to be honest, I didn't think that was good enough Charlie! The amount of evidence against you…'

'Once a junkie, always a liar?' Charlie's voice is twisted with bitterness. 'Is that it John?'

'Look why don't you just put the gun down now Charlie, before you do something you'll regret...'

The muzzle of the gun goes back up. Charlie notices his hands are steady and he smiles slowly – enjoying the sensation.

'Oh I'm not going to regret this John.'

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Charlie lowers the gun and walks away.

They find his body nearly a day later, riddled with bullets. There isn't enough tangible evidence to capture the prime suspect however and the truth of the death passes by. 

Sayid does his job well – he returns the gun without anyone even realising it's been missing.

Charlie sees her at the funeral and afterwards he stands awkwardly before her and touches a hand to her arm. Her eyes are hollow as she listens to an empty condolence and then she looks down at his hand, cold on her arm.

'Take your hand off me.'

'But…'

'I know it was you Charlie,' her eyes are blazing with tears. 'I _know_ it was you.'

The resolution in her eyes stills him and his hands drops from her arm.

'Did you really think that if you got rid of John that we could be a happy little family again?' she continues angrily. 'Did you really think that I wouldn't figure it out? How can I ever feel safe with you again knowing that you would kill a friend just to keep me? Who'll be next? Jack? Sun? Sawyer?'

He begins to choke on I love you's but she has no time for them.

'No. Because if you did, you should have been happy that I was happy without you.'

'How am I meant to do that? Without you I'm...I'm nothing.'

'I don't want you to come near me ever again. I don't want your love and I certainly don't want _you.'_

With nothing left, Charlie turned to past habits. He gradually isolated himself from everyone else and then one day, in his final drug haze found himself with a gun in his hand. 

He didn't even remember where he'd gotten it from but he toyed with it, caressing it with long fingers. The drugs were gone now. The love had been gone for a long time. That meant he only had one addiction left to face.

Charlie's hand was quite steady as he put the muzzle of the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.


End file.
